


The Road Ahead (Leads To You)

by Nishizaki



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Character Study, Drama, F/M, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, and by that i mean it's a happy one, but this is Alec-centric, sort of characters deaths - off screen Other Dimension!versions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-09 05:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17995559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nishizaki/pseuds/Nishizaki
Summary: This is set between Malec breaking up and the gang going after Valentine at Lake Lyn, a character study of sorts following Alec's journey of learning more about himself, Magnus and, maybe, the other dimensions. It's not exactly a fix-it fic, more of an elaborated missing scene piece.“Say, Alexander,” and his name seemed foreign for a second like he couldn't comprehend that someone other than Magnus would use it to address him, “what do you think love is?”So Alec shrugged a bit.“That's a loaded question, your Highness.”"Is it? And why is that, Alexander?" she batted her eyelashes innocently.“It's Alec,” he said simply, then remembered himself and added, “no one calls me that.”The Queen laughed, fake and easy. She, again, was delighted by his words.“Lies, lies, lies.”Or Alec is lost, the Queen meddles and two broken hearts are set on the road of healing.





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I basically vomited this after watching the second season and most of the third. The other dimension Alec travels to isn't from The World Inverted, but is a darker setting, where Valentine's won and made a wish. I am very frivolous with the canon here, as this is dabbed as an AU, so, uh, bear with me? I think this is my first that complicated work, mostly I write drabbles and snippets, but this... This just had to be done. Magnus Bane deserves nice things, and Alec Lightwood is gonna get him those.  
> I am a fan of the show, honestly, so my Mortal Instruments' lore knowledge is limited. But I've tried to make the best out of what the show presents us with.  
> OD!Raphael, because I don't think the show does him justice with all the tropes they through his way.  
> OD!Simon, because he is a darling and deserves better.  
> I made the Seelie Queen so powerful because according to the show, the Seelies gave Eve their beauty, so. That sounds powerful and important.  
> The work is finished and I'm planning on getting it out by the 8th of March as a present to myself.

“Shadowhunter.”

Alec stopped dead in his tracks, he recognised her voice, he'd recognise it anywhere considering how much time he's spent spinning her words in his head, back and forth, hating each and every one of them. It was impossible to ignore, yet a tiny petty part of him desperately wanted him to be mistaken. She refused to help, refused to see reason, and Magnus was standing there slightly behind her shoulder like she's carved the place specifically for him, and then she left, and Magnus followed, not once looking at him.

He turned and levelled her with a heavy stare. What was she doing here anyway? He was out, decidedly abusing his position by assigning the patrol mission to himself, the night has barely settled, so the streets were busy. Alec just wanted to take a damn walk and maybe kill something in the process to take his mind off… things. He was unable to focus on anything other than the memory of Magnus standing there, being cold and distant, and it was driving him up the wall.

The Seelie Queen levelled him with a cold stare of her own. She looked like a child again, which made the whole ordeal even more unnerving. She seemed bothered by something, but there was no cute "I want to know more" aura that usually surrounded normal children. No, she was curious, but her eyes were dead cold, as she didn’t mind being cruel in her pursuit of knowledge. Alec already knew all that, Jace painted a colourful picture when he wanted to.

“Your Highness,” it took all his strength to get the words out, so he covered it by making a show of looking around, "fancy meeting you here".

Keeping quiet wasn't his strong suit, maybe not comparing to Jace, but if one wanted to advance through the ranks, one had to employ a bit of snarl. If only for self-defense purposes. 

Yet, she looked delighted. People were hurrying past them, seemingly ignoring a patch of empty space in the middle of the pavement. The Queen smiled, her smile full of knowledge and malice.

“Likewise, Shadowhunter,” she ran her hands through her glittery skirt. “There is a spark in you, maybe all the warlock's fuzzing over you isn't simple infatuation after all.”

He swallowed any retort, the nonchalance she uttered her words with felt like a cold slap. Infatuation. Something roared in him, something so basic and primal, that it seemed almost too foreign to him. The way she spoke, the casualty in her tone, he couldn't stand it. And yet, there Alec stood, frozen in place. He gave her a forced smile, not knowing what to make of the Queen. That was a typical Seelie for you, wasn't it? Brutally blunt yet pushing their own agenda that you're never quite able to figure out.

She looked him over, which felt just plain weird and smiled again, cold and a bit threatening.

“I shall see for myself,” declared the Queen. “Walk with me, would you, Shadowhunter?”

It didn't really sound like a question, and, well, while in Alec's book when a possibly evil immortal entity asks you for a walk, you refuse and stay the hell away, as the Head of the Institute he couldn't just be himself sometimes, could he. So he nodded and turned when she gave no indication of changing direction herself. He expected it to be awkward at best, he was a good deal taller than this version of the Queen, but when he chanced to look at her, she's already changed and was hooking her hand in the crook of his elbow.

She looked the same age as Izzy now, pink hair raining down and glistening with sparkles, her skirts got longer too, the colours looking a bit more subdued. If not for how cold her eyes stayed, she would have looked lovely, like a princess. But then again, that could have been said about every version of the Queen. The eyes gave her away.

They started walking, people around them unknowingly clearing out of their way.

“Say, Alexander,” and his name seemed foreign for a second like he couldn't comprehend that someone other than Magnus would use it to address him, “what do you think love is?”

Her voice was a little deeper now, a little lower, but still ringing like a small bell. Alec was looking straight ahead and could almost imagine her being just a bratty little girl she was trying to play. He stole a quick look at her, but she was seemingly more interested in watching the passer-byes.

So Alec shrugged a bit.

“That's a loaded question, your Highness.”

"Is it? And why is that, Alexander?" she batted her eyelashes innocently.

“It's Alec,” he said simply, then remembered himself and added, “no one calls me that.”

The Queen laughed, fake and easy. She, again, was delighted by his words.

“Lies, lies, lies,” she didn't sound cross with him, but he still felt cold sweat running down his spine.

“Is that love, then? Saving up special nicknames and then,” she gave him a knowing look, like they were sharing a secret, “pretending that those don't exist?”

Alec looked back at her, feeling confronted by a simple question.

“Not exactly,” he managed.

Again she seemed satisfied, but he couldn't decide with what: his uneasiness or his answer. Seelies were weird, and their Queen was the weirdest out there.

They walked in silence, turning into a park at some point. Alec was definitely taller and bigger than the Queen, but he didn't even entertain himself with the idea that he was in the lead here. He recognised the park, of course, it was the one that had the portal to the Seelie realm in it.

“Tell me, Shadowhunter,” the Queen spoke, at last, pretending to admire the trees around them, “how does it feel to love an immortal?”

Alec swallowed, hoping it wasn't as audible as he thought, and closed his eyes for a moment trying to make something of this strange evening. They came to a stop, and she let go of his arm watching him intently. Alec took his usual pose connecting his hands behind his back. Magnus always commented that his soldier showed quite a lot through it. The Queen didn't seem fazed by his posture, watching him with blatant curiosity.

How did it feel to love an immortal? He thought to himself imagining all the times Magnus was performing magic in front of him. Alec always felt stunned, mesmerised, thinking how powerful his lover was, how his flashy attires hid so much strength, how his golden eyes were always so focused on the task at hand. One would be in awe, worshipping an entity like that with the same determination one would worship a god.

But Magnus would also cook, make his enormous bed, even mix his cocktails - all by hand, no magic involved, if he could spare the time of course. He would put together the potions by himself, even if it only took him a flick of a wrist otherwise. He would scold Alec for not letting him magic away some mess, and then he would be washing the dishes himself seemingly lost in thought. Magnus would ask him to share his burdens, would try to share the weight, yet he would keep his own to himself - scared of rejection. Magnus would look at him like he was enchanting while he talked about his day in the Institute. Magnus was immortal, powerful and one part demonic, but he was also caring and vulnerable, and human. The most human being Alec knew.

Loving an immortal might have been terrifying, might have been tiresome and painful. But his immortal was Magnus Bane, and loving him was easier than breathing.

“Why are you so keen on learning that, Your Highness?” he asked bluntly, for some reason not ready to part with the knowledge he just uncovered for himself.

Judging by the Queen's face, she didn't expect any less.

She told him as much and paused for a bit.

“I am merely curious, Shadowhunter. Magnus Bane is enticing,” her smile turned a bit wicked at Alec's reaction, he couldn't help the way he clenched his teeth at the remark.

It had to do with Magnus, of course, it did. Why else would the seemingly all-powerful Seelie Queen seek out him, the pronounced Head of the Institute who seemed way out of his depth recently? But they fought, and Magnus walked away because Alec pushed too hard so caught up with his own problems. Surely, she must have noticed the whole them not speaking to each other part while she was so flatly rejecting his plea for help.

The Queen continued to speak obviously enjoying his inner turmoil.

“I have lived a long life, Alexander. I have seen many, many mundanes and Shadowhunters, and Downwolders pass by. The most constant figures known to me outside of my realm are demons, vampires and warlocks. And the latter are scarce and unique. You must understand why I'm more invested in those. Magnus Bane and all the,” she made a swirling gesture with her wrist, “adventures that follow him. I find them rather entertaining.”

Alec was staring, he knew he was, but while he managed to process her words, he still felt like there was something missing here. He didn't even hope that she sought him out merely for the lack of willing listeners. And because he couldn't put his finger on it, he couldn't confront her, not without spinning their strange interaction further. Tight uneasiness settled somewhere in his stomach, worry for Magnus, usually an under-current to whatever else he was focusing on, jumping to the foreground in his mind. Magnus said he spent the last century or so closed off from the word, continuing his life without much care for the troubles brewing in the Downworld. But he’s lead a long life before that, hasn’t he? Alec felt a bit miserable realising that there still was so much he didn’t even begin to learn about Magnus. They were as good as broken up and he couldn’t stand the idea. Privacy was normal, some things were better left in the past, he knew that well enough, but something dark and selfish in him wanted to know everything, every detail however distant or small. Which was ridiculous. Alec did realise that it was unfair to Magnus, but he couldn’t help feeling like the warlock’s already learnt everything it was to know about Alec Lightwood, while he himself was lost in the dark. Magnus would talk about his travels, but those seemed like stories, he rarely shared on his feelings over one thing or the other.

The Queen sighed theatrically when he continued to stare silently.

“I know, Magnus Bane loves his people, all the other little warlocks,” she looked up, not quite rolling her eyes, "but he loves you as well, Alexander. And I know just the thing for him to owe me for."

She suddenly sounded almost sinister, and Alec mentally scolded himself for letting himself be caught off guard by the change in her demeanour. Awesome. He wasn't exactly scared, more worried at the realisation that he'd probably be used as bait in some elaborate scheme to hurt Magnus. Although he knew Magnus loved him, her words baffled him. Magnus choosing his people over his own happiness was exactly what’ve led them to their predicament.

He refused to back down though, setting his back even straighter instead of taking a step backwards like all of his instincts screamed at him to do.

"And what would that be, Your Highness? You said it yourself, all the willing Downwolders are welcome to take refuge in your realm."

"Yeees, that", the Queen smiled to herself showcasing how proud she was with that little stunt, "but you see, Alexander, you phrased it much the same. All the willing Downwolders. Magnus Bane would gladly hide his friends in my realm and then run right back to the front lines, to you. He always does."

While that... sounded rather nice, her tone suggested she found the whole ordeal obnoxious. Alec was also impressed with the sheer amount of words he's heard from her throughout the whole evening. Then his brain caught on with her last phrase. She couldn’t have meant Magnus fighting side-by-side with his lovers because there was at least a century during which the warlock moved away from the front lines and just… indulged himself. Well, according to the headcount anyway. And Magnus definitely didn’t choose him all the time, because again, and Alec understood him completely even if it hurt him to do so, they weren’t even speaking to each other for Magnus’ decision to protect his own. Alec was the one who chose first, so it was only fair after all.

He didn’t manage to quite finish that line of thought.

“You know what they say, Alexander,” he heard a whoosh and physically felt a portal opening up behind him, he refused to back away when the Queen took a step forward invading his space nonetheless, “If you can't beat them, join them.”

She gave him a creepy smile full of teeth looking like a mad woman for a split second.

"You can help me with something, or rather, I will help you. Well, one of you anyway."

She thrust something in his chest and he took it automatically, surprised by the amount of strength she packed.

"And then Magnus Bane will be forever in my dept."

And she pushed him backwards.

And he fell through the portal still clutching a small sharp-edged stone the Queen made him take.


	2. Nothing Alike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec falls into the rabbit hole, metaphorically speaking, but then again, it's not that metaphorical if the world you face there is turned upside down. Enter Raphael Santiago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always, any mistakes pointed out would be appreciated.

It felt like he just fell backwards hitting the pavement a bit too hard.

"What the fu..."

The Queen was gone and he was lying flat on his back in an empty park in the middle of the night. Alec groaned, just watching the dark sky above for a second. Then he got up looking around. His _parabatai_ rune felt weird, that was the first thing he noticed, so he started with checking it.

The rune was in place, but his connection to Jace felt strange, stretched out. And it hasn't felt like that even when Jace was actively hiding from him. He touched it and hissed, it stung a bit, like it was freshly drawn, a burning sensation to it.

Alec looked around again and noticed the stone the Queen pushed into his hands lying on the ground. He picked it up, studying it curiously. The stone looked like a shard of a dirty-red crystal, the colour close to the one Magnus wore in his hair sometimes.

 _Magnus_.

The thought pierced him like a lightning bolt. Alec had to go and find him, and talk to him... Well, he should, shouldn't he? With everything the Queen said... It pained him to realise that Magnus probably wouldn't give him the time of day, considering his behaviour in the Downworld Cabinet, no matter what the Queen wanted him to believe.

Alec walked to the bridge contemplating jumping the fence and demanding answers but didn't get the chance. He felt someone's presence but was too distracted to react on time, so next thing he knew he found himself nose to nose with Raphael Santiago.

"Whoa, what the hell, man?" his voice trailed off once he took in the man in front.

The vampire was in his personal space, for all intents and purposes looking like he saw a dead man walking. Which was ridiculous. Raphael must have seen plenty of those.

"What are you?" the man continued to stare, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Excuse me?"

Alec stilled himself trying to think. The man in front of him couldn’t be Raphael Santiago. For one thing, the blade in his hands looked eerily similar to a seraph one, which meant a Shadowhunter’s made it. And it was next to unheard of for a vampire to even want to pick up one. There was a tension to the man as well, more so than usual, because usually, Raphael played relaxed and distant pushing his own agenda, his voice always low, but mostly not threatening. This one seemed… on edge?

Decidedly, Alec couldn't think. So he did the next best thing, breaking out, pushing the blade away with one hand and getting his own out with the other.

It lightened up, and the vampire’s eyes went wide. He didn’t lower his weapon though.

“My name is Alec Lightwood,” started the Shadowhunter, wary of the man to try and attack him anyway.

“The hell it is,” huffed the vampire. “I don't know what you are, but...”

“I am a Shadowhunter,” Alec retorted. “That weapon of yours was made by one, so you should know who we are.”

To that Raphael – or whoever that was – did attack him, nearly snarling in anger.

“And that’s how I know that your name isn’t Lightwood,” they traded blows, Alec trying to deflect and Santiago going in for a kill. “If you were one, you would’ve recognised the work!”

He was so weirded out by the fact that Raphael was wielding a damn seraph-looking blade, it took him a second to catch up. The work did look familiar.

They weren’t exactly an even match, Alec blocked most of the shots with ease, so he moved forward with an attack of his own, successfully kicking the blade out of Raphael’s hands.

The man fixed him with a heavy stare but backed away slightly.

“Isabelle’s made it, hasn’t she?” Raphael’s stubborn expression confirmed his hunch. “But you are a vampire, why are you even…”

He didn’t finish, the man snarled at him his teeth showing, proving Alec’s point.

“One of the last ones on this damn planet.”

 Alec just stared at him.

“What?”

 Raphael rolled his eyes.

“Seriously? What are you even trying to pull here?”

“I’m not pulling anything, I told you, my name is Alec Lightwood, I’m a Shadowhunter.”

“Sure you are,” Raphael mumbled, but relaxed somewhat before adding louder, "This isn't right. I don't know what you are pulling, but _you look nothing like Alec_."

Raphael crossed his arms over his chest obviously waiting for some explanations. Which was ridiculous, considering Alec’s blade was still pointing at him.

"What do you mean I don't look like Alec..." he looked around, his gaze drifting back to the weird phenomena in front of him once more when the realization dawned on him. "Oh, shit."

He lowered his blade slightly, still sort of expecting Raphael to jump him.

It had to be some sort of a parallel dimension - if he wasn't in some sort of Seelie induced coma, but he'd deal with that if it comes to that. That would explain the whole seraph blade thing, even "one of the last ones" line. Alec slowly put his blade away, raising his hands in a peaceful gesture. Raphael was watching him cautiously. He has read about parallel dimensions once Clary and Jace filled them all in on their little escapade, but they were occupying the bodies of their counterparts, not just springing about in their own. Alec assumed from Raphael's reaction that wasn't the case here though.

"I think, this is a parallel dimension", he spoke finally, and the other man just quirked an eyebrow at him. "Well, I think, I got pushed into a portal by the Seelie Queen."

"The Seelie Queen?" Raphael drawled it out like the words themselves were poisonous. "Is that's why you dropped here? How do you know this is a different dimension from yours then?"

Alec looked around.

"Well. For starters, that's where I was standing while I was talking to her. As for the second part, uh, Raphael from my dimension doesn't wield a seraph blade."

Raphael squinted at him.

"So you know me in your other dimension."

"Yeah, well, sort of..." Alec trailed off watching the man cautiously. "I need to get back though."

The silence stretched.

"Alright, what are you doing?" asked Alec after a long minute of silence.

"Listening", answered Raphael cryptically.

He had come to some sort of decision, because next second he turned around, picked up his blade and started walking out of the park.

"Alright, follow me."

 

Alec followed Raphael recognizing the way to the Institute and bursting with all kind of questions. The important one being "How do I get back?" and the rest just freaking out over the bits that he's witnessed so far.

"So", Raphael didn't slow down, but he turned his head slightly evidently listening. "Is the war over?"

Alec winced at himself, his phrasing always sucked, if he weren't literally turning into a collected soldier the second he had to deal with his duties as the Head of an Institute, he'd lose his job pretty quickly considering how awkward he could be.

Raphael huffed.

"Blunt as ever."

Well, something constant across the dimensions, huh?

"The war with the Downworld is over if that's what you are asking."

"Huh?" Alec grabbed his elbow. "Wait, wait, what? What about demons and the Circle?"

Raphael considered him for a second, obviously calculating how much he could tell him. Then he sighed.

"The demons were banished too. Clary Fairchild killed Valentine, but... she was too late."

Alec's blood ran cold at his words. Valentine's had one ultimate plan all along.

"He made a wish..."

Alec was horrified at the mere idea.

"But you are alive", he blurted.

"Yeah, well, the Angel killed off only those in this realm", Raphael muttered bitterly. "Some of us survived, but we can feel it. There are no demons, this realm is sealed nearly air-tight."

"How?.."

"The Seelie realm, actually", Raphael sighed. "I don't really know much, but as far as I can tell there is a whole of two vampires who survived the ordeal", he looked at Alec, his gaze suddenly sharp. "The last of the Downworld population."

He turned again and continued walking, letting the words sink in.

Alec's throat was constricted, his chest tight. He was horrified for a moment before he managed to remind himself that this wasn't his dimension. He still couldn't comprehend the full scale of the catastrophe, but it the sharp pain in his chest at the mere idea that Valentine could have succeeded...

 _The last_... Alec swallowed audibly, and Raphael stopped turning to him again. His sharp gaze suddenly softening.

"You have him too, in this other dimension, don’t you?”

Alec nodded, too caught up in his horror to speak.

“He is gone… Alec.”

The vampire sighed again and came closer. Alec just stared at him, stunned. It felt like his whole world shrank down to Raphael's face like all the sounds were off and all he could hear was his own heart trying to punch its way out of his chest. Obviously, that's what two vampires being the last of the Downworld population meant, that's what they were fighting against all along, but having some sort of idea and actually hearing the words, actually facing it, were two things polar different.

"No."

"I'm sorry", murmured Raphael.

Alec felt frozen like cold hands reached into his body and squeezed all of his organs. He could barely function being away from a very much alive Magnus in his own dimension, he couldn't even begin to fathom what Alec from this one went through.

"That's... horrible", he managed.

Raphael looked down for a moment, collecting himself, then grasped Alec's elbow and continued on their way. Suddenly determined and angry.

"Yeah, well, the Queen shut off her realm, once we got out, there was nothing for months, and now she pushes you here? I don't know what she is up to, but I'm done letting her meddle."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blade that Raphael uses is something like what Magnus gets from Isabelle once he loses his magic. And since this dimension is quite similar to the original one, Izzy is still holding the position of the Weapons Master.  
> Who can guess what's wrong with Alec's rune? :)


	3. A Million Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is trying to sort through the aftermath of Valentine's wish in this new dimension, Raphael brings in reinforcements and somewhere across the vast amount of dimensions around the Seelie Kingdom a certain warlock is trying to break through the walls between the realms.
> 
> Like always, any mistakes pointed out would be appreciated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't stop improving it as I go. As I've said, it's the first work of that scale on my part, so I'm simultaneously excited and terrified of the experience. I have so many ideas for this Dimension because some part of my soul lives for the AU versions of all the different worlds I encounter through the fandoms, but I have to filter them as to not make the text too long or too heavy with no apparent reason but my own fancy to it. See the end notes for some me elaborating some more, but it's mostly just me setting some of the things mentioned in this chapter straight. I felt like a longer explanation wouldn't fit with the narrative very well, so.

The Institute was dimly lit and eerily quiet. They walked right in and Alec stopped in the middle of the room where they used to go over the tactics. There were no wards around the Institute. At least, no _warlock's_ wards.

He clenched his jaw, reminding himself that he didn't belong here and had to go back, had to warn everybody. Even more than that, he had to go back and make Magnus park his ass in the Seelie Realm for the foreseeable future to keep him safe. Was that why the Queen sent him here? So he would pressure Magnus into sitting it out in her realm?

Raphael let him look around, fishing out his phone and typing something.

There was a quiet moment. Alec was too lost in his own thoughts, and Raphael was putting his blades back on a stand. The Institute looked abandoned, the generators probably only supporting the lights and the glamour around the building.

The front door slammed, and Alec had to still himself from getting out his stele. Simon Lewis was standing in the doorframe watching them cautiously. He seemed thinner than the one Alec remembered, more pale and more... vampire-y? Alec didn't think he's ever seen Simon in something other than his flashy t-shirts, yet this one was dressed into something dark and monotone. Even his hair was slicked back. The whole picture he was painting screamed gloomy and untouchable.

"Alright, what is that?" he almost sounded like real Simon, which he was of course, just not for Alec.

Still, there was a cold undertone to his words. Tiredness, too.

Raphael nearly snorted though, confirming Alec's feeling that Simon was somewhat similar to his version before. Something bad happened and wrecked him.

 _Valentine happened_.

Simon rolled his eyes, crossing the room to get closer to Alec. He stopped not invading his personal space though, thank you very much. Alec felt silently judged over some criteria, and Simon must have found him not guilty because he turned to Raphael.

"He is from another dimension, isn't he?"

 

After recounting their meeting to Simon, they gathered around the tactics table. Simon opened up the frames and started swiping through records.

"Alright, this is what's known about the interdimensional travel."

Alec was impressed with how easy Simon handled the tech and the situation. The vampire must have sensed it because he smirked ruefully.

“Had a lot of time on our hands, didn't we,” he mumbled as a way of explanation.

“I'm sorry,” quietly offered Alec. “It's just... weird to see vampires handle Shadowhunters' tech, 's all."

Simon shrugged.

"Well, Isabelle and Alec, ugh, the real Alec are going to wake up soon, so, we should gather whatever we can before we charge into that. It's not the best time to... balance priorities."

"Why isn't it?"

Simon just shrugged again, suddenly getting even gloomier than when he showed up, so Alec was slightly taken aback. It seemed like Simon did warm up to him, once they explained the whole thing.

Raphael sighed. He was doing that a lot.

"The anniversary is coming", he said in a low voice. "It hasn't just been months; it's been almost a full year."

Alec looked down, suddenly sorry that he pried.

“So,” Simon clapped his hands loudly, making them jump. "According to this, the only place you can travel to another dimension from is the Wonder Woods, which is", he moved his hand to open up a picture, "in the Seelie Realm. Which, well, it's been sealed off from the other side. From what I understand, basically, most dimensions are constructed around the Seelie realm, or, which makes more sense probably, the Seelie Queen managed to wrap up the other dimensions around it. The only possible way to travel, according to few recounts that the Shadowhunters have, is to “possess” the body of your alternative self, which is dangerous because you might lose focus and sort of disconnect from your reality, essentially..."

He seemed infinitely more alive now, speaking fast, nearly tripping over his own words, evidently excited to dive into problem-solving.

But Alec already knew all that. Apparently, it showed on his face, or maybe his blank stare was what did it, but Simon slowed down, his enthusiasm dying a bit.

"Uh, other than Seelies only warlocks were believed to be able to perform something like that, but, well..." he trailed off completely, and Alec had to once again try to let go of the fact that this world didn't contain any warlocks anymore.

Raphael turned around like he heard something.

"Isabelle's awake", he murmured before fixing Alec and Simon with a stern glare. "Don't go anywhere."

He disappeared, probably running off to the rooms upstairs, followed by Simon’s frustrated “How does he even?”.

Alec squinted and slowly turned to him.

"Uhhh", the vampire shrugged, suddenly looking young and awkward for a moment, "well, this is not ideal... I assume from your murderous stare that Raphael and Izzy in your dimension are not to..."

"Please, don't finish that sentence", Alec closed his eyes, trying to focus.

He didn't really know this Izzy; he didn't know what kind of history she had with this Raphael. This wasn't his sister and this wasn't the same vampire whose face Alec tried to break in a fit of rage. This, all of this, was none of his damn business.

"I have to ask though", blurted Simon, "your dimension is similar to ours, isn't it? I mean, judging by how pale you went there when I mentioned warlocks..."

Alec would have laughed. It was almost endearing how quickly this Simon lost the grave coldness around him in pursuit of a challenge, of something new. Alec would have laughed if the whole situation wasn’t quite so morbid.

"Yeah, yes..." he clasped his hands behind his back. "I think our dimensions are pretty similar. But we are still at war, Valentine is still alive."

“ _Everyone is still alive_ ” went unsaid.

Simon smiled tightly.

"Well, if it is similar. You and I are, well, we are friends, aren't we? At least you should know me, so... Is there, uh... is there a werewolf there? A girl, Maia Roberts?"

He was watching Alec so earnestly, that Alec would have flat out lied if there wasn't. But he didn't have to.

"Yes", and Simon smiled at him - a bit wobbly now, "Maia is a werewolf and you guys, I mean, uh, she and Simon are together."

Alec fumbled his hands glad that Simon wouldn't see that, but the vampire was too distracted anyway, blinking fast, his gaze grown distant at some memory. The Shadowhunter felt his heart aching for the guy. He didn't know what he and Raphael were doing in the Seelie Realm, but evidently, it cost Simon too much.

"What about... what about Clary?"

The question was almost inaudible like Simon was hesitant to find out.

Alec felt his eyebrows rise at that, but remembered that Clary was actually the reason he knew Simon at all.

"Uh, Clary is... with Jace?" that sounded more like a question than he wanted it to because he didn't really understand what Simon was aiming for. "She is struggling with the war, but I think they... help each other."

"Oh", Simon looked somewhere to his right like it was the most interesting spot in the world, "yeah, Jace..."

He sniffed, finally looking back at Alec.

"Uh, look, here, in this dimension..."

He didn't finish, moving too fast for Alec to catch it. The Shadowhunter turned around to find Simon standing right behind him, but facing someone in the hallway. He was clutching an arrow that was obviously meant to pierce Alec's shoulder.

Simon threw the arrow down.

"Alec, wait!.."

"What is that? Who is that?!"

Alec took in this version of himself instantly realising what Raphael meant when he said they looked nothing alike. This one, Lightwood, Alec decided to label him, looked too composed for it to be quite natural. He indeed looked nothing like Alec. There was a scar on his left cheekbone, his hair was longer and slicked back, he had a beard, for crying out loud, trimmed and everything. He looked perfectly put together to an untrained eye.

Lightwood advanced forward, pushing Simon out of the way.

"Look, Raphael found him next to the portal to the Seelie Realm,” started the vampire, but was promptly cut off.

"I don't care, where he crawled out", Lightwood straightened matching Alec's pose still glaring murder. "Why did you drag him here?"

Alec raised his chin slightly staring right back at him. It was almost unbearable for him to look at Lightwood, almost too painful because he of all people would recognise that look anywhere. Lightwood was using the very same thing his Magnus’s taught him: employing his outer look to fake being alright.

He wasn’t the only one to catch on though.

"Because he needed help," Simon got into Lightwood's face not fazed by his attitude, now snarling too, his temper flaring up. "Isn't that what Shadowhunters do? You know, oh, help people!"

Lightwood huffed pausing, and suddenly averted the vampire's gaze.

"Right," he retorted half-heartedly, "lots of good that did us."

Because that was the distinct difference between him and Magnus, wasn’t it? Magnus had years and years of practicing his shields, learning to play unfazed, unmoved and untouched by the outside world. Lightwood, strong and stubborn as he probably was, had nothing on that.

Simon who probably had to deal with that particular thing before, practically growled in frustration, throwing his hands up and walking back to his spot at the tactics table. Alec met his alternate self's stare, slowly dropping a quiet "Thanks".

“Oh, don’t thank me just yet,” snorted Simon mirthlessly, busying himself with the screens in front of him.

Lightwood stood straight, his hands behind his back.

"Speak."

Alec raised an eyebrow in return, unimpressed. Lightwood didn’t seem half as intimidating to him as he thought.

"The Seelie Queen pushed me into a portal."

They were standing basically mirroring each other. Both - perfect pictures of immovable objects.

But Alec could see though the other’s demeanour. He had to wonder, was it as easy to read him for Izzy and Jace, Magnus even, as it was for him now?

"I ended up here, Raphael got on my case, nearly put a blade through me."

Lightwood huffed, probably appreciating that one.

"Why should we believe you?"

"Well, there are no demons here anymore, are there? What am I if I'm lying? Why would I look," he gestured between them, “like that?”

Lightwood looked at Simon pointedly, but the vampire was purposefully ignoring him, even though he could see them both perfectly through the transparent screens.

"The fact that you passed the wards doesn't mean you aren't some new kind of a shapeshifter spinning a wheel of lies," if looks could kill, Alec was sure he would have been thrice dead already. "Maybe you are a Seelie for all we know."

Simon snorted, confirming that he was, in fact, listening to them, but stayed silent.

“So what,” Alec was getting a headache from all of it, "I am a Seelie and I want you to send me to another dimension? Seelies have their Queen for that, why would I follow Raphael anywhere?"

“Because he is one of the two vampires left alive? Because he is one of the last known Downwolders? Because you are cruel and want to mess with us? That's what Seelies do,” he basically spat that last bit.

Alec just stared at him blankly. This version of himself was unbearable.

This version of himself was too worn out and too hurt to care.

The silence stretched.

Lightwood huffed.

“That's what I thought. Knock yourself out, whatever you are,” he turned to leave. “Even if you are from another dimension, there is no way to open up a portal now.”

Alec swallowed hard closing his eyes for a second.

“Wait,” the other didn't even slow down. “Alec,” nothing, “ _Alexander_.”

That got his attention. Even Simon stopped whatever he was doing with his hands frozen mid-air.

Lightwood turned back slowly, furious.

"I have to get back", blurted Alec hurriedly. "I have to get back, to my dimension, _to him_."

 _I have to get back to a dimension where there is a him_. Where there is _Magnus_. He couldn’t stay in this place, so similar to his, yet so, so much worse. He couldn’t stand it, the feeling of being helpless, useless. Seeing all of them, even Raphael, like that – it was unbearable. It was cruel, it was unjust. It left an ashy taste in his mouth, making his breathing shallow and his eyes watery with angry tears. He didn’t let it show of course, but it was ripping him apart. It was painful enough to play unfair.

Simon let out a barely audible "Oof", mumbled something about things to do and conversations to skip and made himself scarce. The door slammed behind him.

Lightwood was glaring daggers again.

“Even if it's true,” he drawled slowly, in a low dangerous tone, “I just told you, there is no way. Learn to deal with that.”

He sounded bitter. Resigned. He didn't move though, which prompted Alec to push.

"What if there is?"

He fished out the crystal shard. Cold to his touch and dull in the dim lighting.

"The Seelie Queen gave me that before pushing me here, what if there is a way?"

Lightwood squinted getting closer slowly.

“What is that?”

“I have no idea, but she said,” Alec sighed, frustrated, perfectly understanding how ridiculous he sounded for even entertaining the idea of the Seelie Queen being helpful without an ulterior motive, “she said, she would, uh, help us? One of us? And she gave me that right before pushing me…”

He didn’t quite manage to finish, because Lightwood snatched the stone out of his hands, moving to inspect it, and the stone suddenly glowed coming to life. There was a momentary pause, and then everything exploded, throwing both Shadowhunters flying through the air.

Alec huffed in pain, scrambling to his legs and getting his stele out. Lightwood jumped right back too, with his hands seemingly unhurt.

There was a reddish portal in front of them, cracking with energy like it was struggling not to implode. It looked like it wasn’t stable, the visible outlines moving violently in different angles.   

"I left you for what, half an hour?" Raphael turned up next to them blades drown at the ready.

"Where is..."

"What. The. Fuck," Isabelle ran into the room, her whip turned into a staff already in hands.

Alec didn't even have time to register how similar this Izzy was to his sister when the cracking got louder with the portal shifting like it was about to tear itself apart.

"I knew you were trouble", muttered Lightwood drawing up his bow and aiming at the centre of the portal.

Alec sent him a bewildered look, trying to convey a “Seriously? Now??” expression, but they really didn’t have time for that.

The magic around the portal whirled frantically, sending red and blue sparks flying, the bright light getting almost painful to look at, and then it imploded with a deafening crack.

Alec felt it go right through him like it was dissipating. It didn't feel harmful, if anything, it felt familiar. He struggled to stay upright anyway.

The lights went out, the few that were on exploding and sending shards flying. They all cowered for a moment there, trying to shield their eyes.

"Well, that went better than I thought", announced a tired voice, and Lightwood's bow dropped on the floor with a stud.

Alec stared nearly dropping his stele too. Magnus, well, _a Magnus,_ was standing there instead of the portal. His face, half hidden by a several days’ stubble, was lit up by a subtle proud smile.

"Wow", Magnus chuckled softly, looking around. "All this for dear old me?"

He didn't seem to care for their silence, but then he must have noticed that there was not one, but two of his favourite Shadowhunters, because his face scrunched up comically, while he was trying to absorb the situation.

"Huh. And that's... not what I expected."

Alec's heart swelled, somehow he could sense that this was a Magnus, no doubt, eerily similar to his, but this one looked like he belonged with this bunch. Despite his confused half-smirk, this Magnus looked... wearier? Like something wild was unhinged inside of him and he was barely managing to hold it together. His face was free of make-up, open and vulnerable, his usually styled hair was let down, slightly but visibly longer than Alec’s ever seen. Even his clothes looked different, less anything fashionable and more subdued with no sparkles or glitter. Alec didn't think it was possible to be so close to someone and yet feel so far away.

The awkward silence stretched.

"Is that your ride or something?" muttered Raphael and then glanced at Alec.

His voice, low and deceivingly calm, seemed to break everyone out of their stupor. Isabelle was the first to put away her staff, fixing it upon her wrist, but not breaking her gaze from Magnus. She must have had enough time to get ready for the day ahead because she looked ready to take on the world, dressed perfectly, her make-up and hair done in the fashion Alec was used to seeing on his own Izzy. She looked fierce.

Magnus took a breath like he was bracing himself and run one of his hands – and there was only one ring there – through his hair.

"Alright, kids, I thought I would have to do the explaining, but... help me out here."

He was staring too, his eyes darting between all of them. Isabelle took a sharp breath, covering her mouth and Alec glanced at her, noticing the ring she was wearing. It was their family’s heirloom, and in his dimension, their parents were still holding onto it, after Alec’s little stunt with the wedding and all that. He knew Izzy’s sort of always wanted it, her being so invested in making her weapons as intricate as possible while still being usable. His sister was interested in jewelry as much as she was interested in cold weapons.

Then he realised that Magnus in front of them was actually sporting that same ring. Lightwood must have realised the same thing, or something, whatever was going through his brain, but suddenly there was a choked sound from his general direction, and he nearly crushed Magnus in a tight embrace.

Alec just stood there, not knowing what to do with himself. He turned slightly to Raphael, who looked as bewildered as they all probably felt. Isabelle seemingly managed to calm herself, as she too turned to the vampire and to Alec. Her eyes were watery, but not a tear escaped, a mixed expression of hope and terror on her face.

“How is this possible?” she asked quietly. “Raphael, how is this possible?”

Lightwood was holding Magnus as if his life depended on it, breathing heavily and staring at the wall, as if he couldn't believe what was happening, but wanted to - so desperately. His walls evidently went down all at once, holding the warlock seemed to be the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

"Oh", Magnus signed softly, his hands moving up to grasp at the back of the man's shirt, "Oh, _Alexander_. I found you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a way of explanation, again, this Dimension is similar to the original one in most details, but 1) it's slightly in the future for Alec; 2) Raphael is attached to Magnus far stronger here because that's what I dig, join me, and it will be shown later on; 3) because of (2) Simon didn't go to the Seelie Realm with Luke, he went there with the older vampire, cue them surviving the Wish; 4) I also like to believe that Raphael being closer to Magnus would have made his relationship with Simon somewhat smoother, so, yeah, he went to the Seelie Realm sort of to help Simon find Maia, but it would have been a perfect opportunity for him to learn more about Daylighters too, huh? So still Raphael with a not-so-hidden agenda.  
> 5) The way I see it, the Seelie Queen, being as powerful as I'm painting her to be, and being the only Seelie Queen, as all the dimensions exist around her realm, let Maia go from the Wonder Woods, but slowed down Raphael and Simon enough for them not to get back before after the wish took place. Not because she has a soft spot for either of them, but because she is a Seelie, and Seelies are tasked with protecting everything unique in the dimensions. So she did her "job" and shut off her realm considering the dimension without demon blood a finished task.  
> 6) In this dimension Jace is dead, because, well, Clary didn't get to fix it, cue her being not alright and thus, not in the picture. I don't think she would've gone mad with devastation or something, but I don't think she would feel alright sticking around the Institute either with everything that she's lost there. I don't really get a chance to talk about it at length here, so, the tl;dr version.  
> 7) Isabelle ends up with Raphael because facing the devastating results of the Wish and Jace's death, he is the one constant she can fall back on. I know their relationship isn't ideal with it, uh, being born in the midst of their addictions, but I also don't see Alec being able to be there for her with him losing Jace and Magnus on the same day. So Raphael.
> 
> If you have any thoughts on this, don't hesitate to hit me up, we can geek over them together.


	4. Another Other Dimension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is here to set right, well, at least something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done and finally out here. I'm so nervous! I hope I did our boys justice and didn't maim the English language in the process too badly. We get some Magnus and Raphael interaction, Izzy being the awesome little sister and Alec trying to hold his heart from breaking over all this mess.  
> As I said, Magnus Bane deserves nice things and here I used Alec Lightwood to get him those. And by that I mean Alec gets Magnus himself, because that's what we root for, ain't it? It's of course, a bit pompous, but bear with me, those guys didn't just lose each other, they lost everything. That unhinges something, and it's rarely easy to fix. Luckily for our boys, magic is a thing:)  
> Any mistakes pointed out would be greatly appreciated!

They were sitting right there on the stairs sometime later trying to work through the situation. Lightwood was sitting next to Magnus, the warlock's hand clasped tightly in his as if he thought the man would disappear if he let go. The man himself was saying something in a hushed tone, gripping the Shadowhunter with the exact same ferocity. Alec sat opposite of them on the other side of the room really trying to give them some privacy, but not wanting to let them out of his sight. It was almost hysterical how quickly his counterpart went from being ready to rip him in half to clutching at Magnus, his face open and vulnerable, but in all honesty, Alec thought to himself, he understood it.

Lightwood was grieving for months, his disdain towards Alec - probably, a result of a built-up self-loathing and self-blame for not doing enough, for not saving  _everyone_. Considering whatever Simon was about to say, and how his _parabatai_ rune still felt weird, seemingly hours since his arrival, Lightwood probably lost Jace too. One way or another. There was a part of him missing, and Alec knew himself well enough to realise that losing Magnus wouldn’t have been so devastating if he had Jace there to lean on. Everything in his own life has been so much easier to bear just because Jace was always there for him to retreat to, hence the fierce love he held for his named brother. Lightwood evidently was so tired of it all, that even if Magnus turned into a giant bat right now and tried to eat him alive, he would have let him - just for a chance to hold him one more time. Alec thought, given the circumstance, he would have ended up the same way. The idea of losing Jace was terrifying. But the idea that he would eventually grow old, Magnus outliving him, was so basic on the other hand, something that he thought over and shoved to the back of his mind quite some time ago, it was so... normal. The mere thought that it could end up the other way around didn't even cross his mind. Well, not before today anyway. And, Angel, what a horrible thought it was. 

Raphael and Isabelle were sitting near him, with the vampire silently studying the warlock across the room.

“He is… different,” finally drawled Raphael, not loud enough for the man to hear him though.

Alec glanced at him, still weirded out how attuned the vampire seemed to be to everyone around just... being alive.

"How do you figure?"

Raphael squinted, but not unkindly. He looked thoughtful, more guarded now than before even.

"This Magnus is... older? He feels older than I remember, his _heart_ is older. I think it's been years for him, if not decades."

"Maybe it's the stubble", Isabelle supplied half-heartedly. "They look alright though."

Raphael side-glanced her and she shoved him playfully, obviously trying to lighten the mood, though her own lips were trembling slightly.

"What? This..." Isabelle smiled softly, "It’s like hope, isn't it? That in every other dimension there is a you and a me, and a Simon, and a Magnus, and an Alec, and that there is still love and hope, and", she sounded determined, wistful, "and there is a Jace, and a Clary somewhere out there. Still fighting for each other, still turning everything upside-down."

Raphael chuckled mirthlessly but softly.

"Yeah... yeah, it sure is."

Isabelle shoved him again, getting a bit of a real smile out of him this time, then she picked at Alec.

"Are you alright there… big brother?"

Alec turned to her simultaneously surprised and relieved at the familiar words. Then he shook his head in a way of answering. His heart was aching. This world, however peaceful it was, was wrong. There was too much loss, too much despair all around. His chest felt honest to Angel constricted with trying to breathe, trying to process everything. What was he supposed to do to fix this? To avoid this? How was he supposed to get back? Then another thing crossed his mind.

"The Seelie Queen", Alec started slowly, "she told me, that Magnus Bane would owe her because of this. That he would be _forever in her debt_. I didn't get it then."

"Do you think, that was her endgame all along?" Isabelle, true to herself, was taking everything in stride, her voice steady again.

"So what, this one here is just a carrier?" Raphael's words didn't have any bite in them though.

"What if he is?" Isabelle looked at him worriedly. "If this Magnus is older, he must be stronger too, right? Breaking through dimensions with a portal and all that. Why would she need that?"

Alec shrugged looking down at his hands. He was uncomfortable at the idea that somehow he helped to bring Lightwood and Magnus together at such a cost. But, well, he was uncomfortable a lot this night, what was new. He knew who Magnus’ father was, there must have been some… perks, power-level speaking, due to his heritage. His Magnus also mentioned that he helped to create the first portal, which at the time Alec sort of dismissed thinking the warlock was trying to show off.

"Ah, whispering about me behind my back already," Magnus got closer to them, his smile - relaxed and somewhat pleased despite his words, "mind if I join?"

Lightwood was right behind him, and Isabelle got up, taking his hand.

“Alec,” she said softly.

“I’m alright,” answered Lightwood quietly glancing between her and Magnus.

“We should,” Isabelle squeezed his hand, before briefly looking back at Alec like she already decided that she had to take care of both of them, “we should let them talk, alright?”

Lightwood swallowed as if it pained him physically to tear his gaze away from the warlock.

“Sure.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Alexander.”

Magnus squeezed his arm reassuringly before letting him follow his sister out of the tactics room.

Raphael got up too, watching the man in front of them with a guarded expression. Magnus returned his gaze with a small smile.

"I missed you dearly," the warlock looked sad. Heartbroken.

And Alec knew that Magnus was looking at the vampire and seeing someone else. Mourning someone else.

"How long has it been in your dimension?" despite his stoic and somewhat distant demeanour, Raphael's eyes were getting glossy with unshed tears.

They were both looking at each other seeing dead family, so close, yet literal dimensions far from fitting into each other’s words seamlessly.

Magnus sighed softly.

"Years."

His voice was as smooth as Alec remembered his own Magnus', but it carried pain and weariness. It was killing him inside to hear such a familiar voice like that. 

"What happened?" asked Raphael.

“I lost everything,” replied Magnus, somewhat shortly, resigned to the idea. “Even you.”

Alec glanced at the vampire to see tears building up in his eyes. He didn’t really understand the relationship Magnus had with Raphael, them looking too close in age for him to remember sometimes that Magnus actually raised the man. He remembered Magnus being furious over Raphael’s torture, but the warlock was still closed off enough to manage his feelings in the privacy of his own mind then. But this, that short “even you”, it sounded devastated.

“Are you staying then?” Raphael’s voice sounded strained now.

Magnus reached for him, squeezing his shoulder, and Raphael jumped slightly looking at his hand like he’d seen a ghost. He probably felt like he had. 

“I have nothing to go back to.”

Raphael nodded jerkingly, his eyes watery, and let out a shaking breath.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” the vampire lowered his gaze, nodding one more time.

He looked back up like he wanted to check, that Magnus was still there, and then disappeared, probably off to hide his distress.

The warlock was looking at the spot he occupied just a moment ago, his eyes watery too, before visibly shaking himself out of it and turning to Alec.

“Alexander,” there was something about the way Magnus looked at him.

Alec, being dense as he was at human interactions at times, was already well-versed in the endless different expressions of one Magnus Bane. He looked at Lightwood with a barely concealed hope. He looked at Alec with raw pain.

So he had to ask.

"Magnus. What happened?" 

"Well," the warlock straightened his shirt, trying to rein his inner turmoil no doubt, "you know, how it goes, I met a boy, fell in love. He was like an arrow straight through my heart," he smiled softly at that.

Alec couldn't help it, he huffed out a small nervous laugh. It pained him to see Magnus like that, even if it wasn't really his Magnus, it was still too familiar to ignore, too close to home. And he knew Magnus was covering his feelings with humour, even that little.

"I embraced him and the world that came with him," the man continued, watching Alec earnestly. 

"There was magic, and adventure, and life. I loved it all to bits," he lowered his gaze. 

"The war was raging, the Clave and all the possible accusations thrown their way were pulling the Downworld apart, the Clave wasn't helping, trying to stay on top and making it even worse, you know," Magnus looked up at him again, still playing coy, still softening it all.

Or maybe the years have softened it all. Magnus did say it’s been years since he lost everything.

"They blamed me for his fall from grace. They believed I've enchanted him, lured him in and stole his heart," he sounded almost like his Magnus, voice low and warm, and a bit laughing. 

"The truth of course was: I was the enchanted one,” he was staring into the distance now, sounding lost and wistful. “I followed him everywhere, breaking the rules, saving lives, crossing lines... I was the immovable object and he was the unstoppable force, it was exquisite." 

Alec thought his heart couldn't take any more of it. Communicating their thoughts didn't come naturally, not to him, not to his Magnus; yet, he always knew, he felt Magnus' love for him. It wasn’t crushing, it wasn’t invasive. Yet, hearing it like that, out loud in a distant tone was almost too much to bear. This Magnus’ love for his Alec – it crushed him, engulfing him in his sorrow. Was it what his Magnus was so scared of? But then again, this one lost everything, not just a lover however _fleeting_ that might have been.

He knew it wasn’t fair even thinking something like that. But his Magnus’s said it himself, their relationship was new and young, and yet Alec couldn’t help thinking that he already knew… He already knew that Magnus was it for him. Maybe, he was being idealistic and naïve, but seeing his counterpart so resigned, so hurt and broken... Maybe, it sort of proved his point.

"I... I have never been that happy. I have never been that scared. And then, of course, my worst fear came true. I lost Raphael. The war was raging, the lines were drawn, the sides were chosen. It was inevitable, and I refused to walk away. There was a massacre at this very Institute.”

Magnus gestured around, seemingly lost in his memories, not realising this wasn’t the same place. Alec clenched his jaw, remembering that day, the raw fear he felt when he wasn’t able to find the warlock right away. The panic, the desperation, and then – the sweet relieve at seeing Magnus alive. What did this Magnus feel upon finding Alec, yet losing Raphael? 

“He was here and he died. Instantly. The Downworld turned on the Clave after that, my people - desperate to stay alive - were turning on each other. Trading sides, trading lives. The Clave stood their ground, but the Downwolders were out for blood. The New York Institute became the main target, seeing as the two people with the ability to activate the Soul Sword again were living here. Alexander was defending his family till the very last… Someone managed to overpower my wards. I couldn't get to him on time. The Clave called it the _New York Massacre Fallout_. I lost everything that day because I was too weak."

Alec made a chocked up sound. Magnus was painting a grim picture with simple words. He sounded wistful but resigned at the same time. Like this was a battle he was tired of losing, yet kept coming back to anyway. 

"Magnus..." 

Alec pulled him into a hug, aching for him, desperate to give him at least a sliver of comfort. The man tensed in his arms, holding his breath for a moment, before relaxing into it.

"It is all better now," Magnus murmured into his chest. "It was a long time ago, but then, I was beside myself with grief. I didn't know it was possible to survive such pain. Yet I did, I still do."

“I am so sorry…”

 Magnus sighed and looked up at him.

“You don’t look a day older than he did,” he said quietly.

Alec thought his teeth might break from all the clenching he did trying to calm himself. 

"The coup was overpowered by the Shadowhunters. Again, the lines were redrawn, the rules were set. The Circle rose out of ashes, building their numbers on my love's grave. But I couldn't be bothered anymore. Couldn’t focus, couldn’t control my magic. It died down some years later, I think. Without angelic blood, no one could activate the sword, yes, but then Valentine just disappeared one day. I heard rumours that a burnt to a curb creature crawled out of Edom and dragged him down there to atone for his sins."

"Then the Seelie Queen approached me. She said she knew a way to soothe my grief. All I had to do was find the missing shard. I was trying to, I searched everywhere. It took me years to even start trying a portal. I had to turn to my father, of all creatures, for help. It took me years to conjure a powerful enough portal for the Seelie Queen to approach me again. She said the shard was moving, looking through dimensions for a solution for me, and I honestly thought it would lead me to my demise. But it led me here. To Alexander. To you."

Alec sniffed, shaken. 

"You owe her now," he said, desperately willing his voice not to tremble. "I gave him the shard, so you could find him, and now you will be _forever in her debt_." 

"Alexander," Magnus squeezed his hands, "Darling. It would be worth it. If I had to owe her a thousand timelines, I came to realise, it would have been worth seeing him again. Even if it's not my Alexander. Even if he is as lost as me. It is infinitely more than most people get." 

Alec was staring at him, eyes wide, his heart pounding. It felt surreal, but as everything with Magnus, it also felt like one of the truest experiences in his life, bright and burning, and a little bit scary. 

"You look just as I remember," continued Magnus looking at him tenderly. 

"Will you be happy here?" blurted Alec. "This is not your dimension, and he is not... your, uh..."

Magnus chuckled good-naturedly.

"Alexander. Looking at you, I see everything I've lost. Our dimensions are probably much alike, and all I can do is ask you to be careful once you are back," he turned glancing in the direction where Lightwood and Isabelle went. "Looking at him, I see a future. It would be something." 

"I think, that's been the weirdest day of my life," mumbled Alec, "but I hope it works out for you. For both of you." 

Magnus pulled away slowly, getting out the shard Lightwood must have given him. 

"It will. I know, it will. Let's get you home, shall we?"

*

 

He was standing in his room at the Institute, staring at his reflection. Nothing’s changed since the last night, he was “missing” for like _twelve hours_ , including the beginning of his self-indulged patrol. He looked exactly the same if a bit worse to wear, but he felt like his whole world shifted. Like he has seen a lifetime flash in front of him. Maybe, in a way, it did.

Seeing Isabelle, quiet and subdued, endlessly tired and so hopeful for a possibility that somewhere there was a dimension where everything was just… better; seeing her like that was sobering. It wasn’t in Isabelle’s nature to keep quiet. But then again, as the saying went, everyone had a breaking point. Raphael basically about to cry with relief was an unsettling picture, to say the least, but then, so was seeing Simon lose his temper and snapping, his fangs showing in a clear threat. 

Alec was half sure that he’s dreamt the whole thing, but his bed was untouched when he dropped out of the crackling portal Magnus’s conjured for him. He felt destroyed and built anew. Seeing himself so collected on the surface, yet so utterly broken over the amount of loss he had to endure, was like witnessing the second coming itself. Devastating. Crushing. Freeing? 

He turned sharply, storming out of the room. He didn’t know what that was, he had to deal with the Seelie Queen, but most importantly, he had to see _his_ Magnus. He had to, or he would fall apart and just lose it for good. 

Alec didn’t even register people in his way, some of them probably just getting back from patrol, he was so set on getting this one thing done he barely noticed walking all the way to Magnus’ building. He was so determined, his heart beating fast and his thoughts racing, that none of it, nothing in the world around mattered. 

He paused in front of Magnus’ door for a moment, collecting himself. He was still wearing his patrol clothes, his hair was a mess, and, well, it was around eight in the morning. Magnus was probably sleeping, never one to wake up in ungodly hours without necessity. He should come back later, get himself together on his own. But could he?...

The door opened, ripping away his chance to bolt, revealing Magnus, his Magnus, in his usual “home” attire, no make-up, his hair down looking a bit damp. He looked surprised, but his eyes had this funny expression like he expected Alec to grow a second head any moment now.

“Alexander…”

“Magnus,” Alec froze for a moment, terrified that it was all an elaborate scheme set up by the Seelie Queen to make it worse, to break them apart, like what she did to Clary and Simon.

But he shoved that thought away, instead, pushing himself forward in the apartment, so Magnus had to take a hesitant step backwards, probably not even fully awake yet to complain. 

“I’m sorry,” blurted Alec, catching his hands as if his life depended on it, and he had a second to spare he would have laughed at himself, seeing how _similar_ he was to Lightwood after all. “I’m sorry for lying, for not being there for you, for letting you walk away. Please, Magnus. I can’t live without you, I love you.”

Magnus was staring at him with narrowed eyes, obviously caught off guard by the Shadowhunter simply being there at that hour, let alone saying all those things.

“I know, it doesn’t change much,” continued Alec hurriedly, worried that he might run out of words. “I know, that we both have obligations to our people and I know, that I failed you, and you feel like you have to choose sides, but, Magnus… I will fight for this. I will fight for us, because you, this, _us_ it’s worth it all. It’s worth it all. And I know, I know, that whatever route I take, it would always lead to you, because if it wouldn’t, then there is no sense in the world, no point, not anymore, not without you.”

They stared at each other, both wide-eyed, Magnus probably thinking that Alec went out drinking or something and the Shadowhunter freaking out silently, suddenly out of words. 

But then the warlock pulled him in a hug slowly, tenderly. 

“Oh, Alexander,” they embraced each other, Magnus clutching his jacket, breathing slowly, and Alec just holding him tightly.

It was like coming home. 

It was like seeing Lightwood, unhinged and broken, clutching at Magnus with a ferocity of a man dying of thirst and finding a damn fountain. 

It felt right.

And while it didn’t really solve anything; it didn’t really make the road ahead clearer or easier, but Alec knew it now, deep in his bones, in his very heart, he knew what the finish was for him. He knew that whatever path he chose he’d always pick it with one goal in mind. With Magnus in his very heart, in his very soul. 

And well, if it took time for him to get there, relationships, they took effort. So he was willing to give it his very best.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! I can't believe I just posted it, please be gentle :)  
> I know I've only grazed Alec and Jace's relationship here, but I do like that on the show Jace is still relevant in Alec's life with the possibility of their bond being stronger than what he has with Magnus (yet). They are brothers and parabatai, and I think it's one of the things the show caught quite right, their bond doesn't disregard what they have with Magnus, but still exists and strives, and I think it's healthy and important. I think I might spin this thought further somewhere on my Tumblr though.  
> What do you guys think? I'm was dying to share this with the world, but I'm even more nervous now that it's out here...
> 
> Also, come scream about Malec with me on Tumblr: http://nishizaki-s.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> Come and scream about Malec with me on Tumblr: http://nishizaki-s.tumblr.com


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